How to Take a Nap

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

I'm fully aware that I may be about to alienate some readers, but I don't think you can do your best writing when you're sleep deprived. There is a kind of mental holding yourself together that is necessary to do any focused work when your brain and body would really prefer you to be unconscious, and that holding-together also holds shut some internal passages that are best kept open when we are trying to be evocative or creative. Sometimes, though, we want, or need to write when we didn't get enough sleep and circumstances are not conducive to getting a proper night's sleep first. So because I'm a chronic optimizer, I worked out what for me is the best, most efficient way to take a nap that will help me write better, and now I'm going to share it with all of you. There will probably be steps here that make you go "But I can't sleep like that!" you may be right, but I would encourage you to give it a shot, because some of the things that are like that are here on purpose. This is a recipe for a 20-30 minute nap after which you will be able to get some writing done - the normal rules of sleep are not all in play. The objective here is to fall asleep quickly, enter REM sleep quickly, and be able to return to coherence and productivity quickly upon awakening. The behaviors conducive to getting a restful 6-10 hours are not necessarily our allies here, especially if it's important that we not accidentally sleep longer than we meant to.

Environment

Lights on. I'm serious.This is part of setting the stage for the whole thing. Most of us, when we sleep, want it as dark as we can get it. Making it dark will prompt your brain in the direction that you are going to bed, when you're not, and likely start it demanding all the other things you usually do before going to bed, which we don't have time for. Keep the lights on. If you've been working in a dark room, turn the lights on. If it's the middle of the night and everyone else is asleep including a partner or sibling who shares your room, consider having your nap on the bathroom floor. Sound is important too, you want some. This works best if other people in the same space are awake and moving around, talking or watching tv or whatever. You want non-repetitive background noise that's not entirely under your control. My very best results have been with two other people in the room playing a video game with the sound on and occasionally talking to each other about it. If you don't have any source of real background noise available, maybe put on a tv show or something, but like, not something you would normally watch, and not something that's trying to engage you directly - cooking show with two hosts so they talk to each other as much as the audience, maybe. If you have enough control of your space, put it on at normal volume but not close to you. Try to minimize repetitive, mechanical sounds, like running dryers, steam engines, or white noise machines. Actually if you don't normally use a white noise machine when you're sleeping it's probably fine, but if you do, don't use it now. It's preferable not to have a fan or space heater for the same reasons, but deal with the realities of the temperature in the room. There's a version of this process where you freeze or cook yourself on purpose, but that's advanced. 

Bed and Bedding

Do not, under any circumstances, lie down on the bed or other furniture upon which you usually sleep. This will get your brain working against you, and in any case it's probably too soft. A couch or futon will do, a carpeted floor is best. I have done this successfully on a bathroom or kitchen floor with a rug. You could probably use a yoga mat. No pillow. If you're on the floor, you can put a folded shirt or a dish towel or something under your head. (If you need to keep your torso a bit elevated to breathe or not choke on your own stomach acid, do what you need to do - the basic objective here is to minimize coziness, so execute that to the best of your ability within your medical needs). You can have a blanket, but only one, and it should be light - a top sheet or a plush throw. Have some hydrating liquid ready to hand for when you wake up. (If you are an active alcoholic and you normally drink while you work, it might be better if your post-nap drink has some alcohol in it, but use your own best judgement). If you usually work on a couch, you'll need somewhere that's not that couch. If you usually work lying on the floor, find a piece of furniture or go to a different room.

You

Photo by Pamela C. on Unsplash

Take off your shoes, belt, hat, and coat, if you're wearing any of those things. If you use caffeine, get a little into your system now so it can kick in when you're asleep. (If you use alcohol, probably best to wait until after the nap - the version of this that uses alcohol on purpose is also advanced). If you wear a binder that doesn't have any fastenings, you'll need to take it off, but otherwise just unclasp, unlace, or unzip any upper-body undergarments - if you're wearing a sports bra that fits you can probably just leave it alone. Keep your other clothes on. Lie down on your back. If anything in your pockets is bothering you, take it out and put it somewhere that it won't bother you or get lost (maybe in your shoes). Set a timer (not an alarm) on your phone for 30 minutes. Put your feet flat on the floor like you're gonna do crunches. (You're not gonna do crunches). You'll probably end up straightening your legs out at some point, and that's fine. You can do whatever's comfortable with your arms, although I'd advise against putting your hands under your head - I like to put my hands on the middle of my chest with my fingers laced together. Close your eyes. Tell yourself, out loud or in your head "This is going to work. I'm going to get a little sleep, and when I wake up I'll be able to get some writing done." Take a couple of deep breaths. If you don't normally lie down on the floor, your back muscles are probably doing some weird things, and that's fine, but they'll settle down faster if you breathe. Now let your mind wander and do whatever it's gonna do, with as little resistance as possible. If you start going to the "Oh god how long has it been" or "Here's every stupid thing I did in the last decade" places, redirect your attention briefly to your Background Sounds. You will fall asleep at some point. 

Bee-bee-bee-beep! Bee-bee-bee-beep!

Sit up as soon as the timer goes off. This process has a greater than 50% chance of producing really weird, vivid dreams, and you will probably want a second to process them (and maybe to make sure you remember, if they present a possible way forward on your writing), but do it sitting up. Drink like, at least half your post-nap hydration drink, unless it's one of those really big water bottle, in which case, y'know, at least 6floz. As soon as possible, get up. Go to the bathroom if you need to, maybe splash water on your face. Then get back to work. 

Next post will be Dresden Files - I already started on it. I sincerely apologize for how long you've all been waiting, but I had like, the biggest freelance project and it's put everything else on hold for the past month or so. It's done now, and we're getting back to normal, at least until the next thing goes wrong. Until then, be Gay, do Crimes, and read All The Things!