Dresden Files Reread - Grave Peril Chapter 24

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As they pull up to Bianca's mansion, Michael asks Harry to explain in more detail why they're at this party. So Harry runs him through the chain of reasoning: Someone is stirring up the spirit world in order to create the Nightmare, Lydia is somehow connected to the Nightmare, Bianca sent Kelly and Kyle to kidnap Lydia. This makes a pretty convincing case that Bianca is somehow involved with the Nightmare, as it would be a bit of a stretch to suppose that Lydia was involved with two completely unrelated supernatural entities. Even if Bianca isn't directly involved, though, she's currently hosting a party for most of the major bad guys currently local to Chicago, so there's a reasonable chance that whoever is involved, whichever dark power was feeding the Nightmare when Harry confronted it in the previous chapter, is going to be at this thing. This reasoning holds up pretty well, and doesn't hinge on any of the dubious parts of Harry's current theory. It was also a remarkably solid decision to review it all here, not least because, if I remember correctly, we're getting close to the part where things start not making any sense, and it's good to know that we've got a firm foundation under us when the nonsense starts. Now that Harry has felt the power of whoever or whatever is controlling the Nightmare, he should be able to identify them again, and a party like this is an excellent opportunity to vibe check a lot of bad guys and monsters all at once. It's a reasonable plan. 

Michael is not thrilled with...any of this, really. He doesn't like the plan, he doesn't want to be at the extremely dangerous party full of monsters, and he'd really like to know why the Nightmare didn't go after Harry as soon as the sun was down. Harry suggests that the Nightmare might be afraid to go after him, since he was able to bind it, but I don't think even Harry finds this idea terribly convincing, and Michael certainly doesn't. Nor is he especially reassured by Harry's insistence that they'll be protected by the laws of hospitality, which is honestly fair given that he's not willing to abide by them himself, if he sees innocent people in danger. As much as Harry is valid for wanting armed backup, I feel like he might actually have done better to bring Susan, who isn't much less adept at navigating supernatural politics, whose presence isn't in and of itself an insult to their hosts, and who probably could be relied upon to follow the rules if Harry explained properly. Before they go in, Michael asks Harry to pray with him, or at least shut up for a minute to he can pray. Harry reflects on how he doesn't really understand God, or trust most religious people. Which is fair, at least from his position, but then he thinks that he doesn't know how God can look at the way people treat one another and not chalk the entire human race up as a bad idea. As we say on Tumblr, I mean, God did look at the way people treat one another and chalk the entire human race up as a bad idea. That was a pretty significant thing that happened. Like I understand where you're coming from here but God very much did look at the way people treat one another and chalk the entire human race up as a bad idea. And the reason He hasn't done it since, at least according to the set of beliefs under discussion here, is basically that he pinky promised not to, after that one time. I would love to know what exactly Harry's background with Christianity is. It's established in one of the middle books that he knows the Pslams pretty well, and in Proven Guilty that he's not familiar with the Parable of the Talents, but does he seriously not know the story of Noah's Arc? Dude was in foster care for like seven years, between the ages of six and thirteen and he was never forced to attend Sunday School? That...that might actually be significant. We see full Wizards of the White Council from most of the larger religions, but smalltime practitioners are, at least if the ones we meet in White Night, and the supplies stocked at Bock Ordered Books, are anything to go by, are disproportionately neopagan and Buddhist. If the Council had a hand in arranging his care, which seems at least plausible, they'd naturally want him with people over whom they held some sway, and that's not a group that trends strongly to regular church attendance. Come to think of it, this would also help account for how Justin found him so quickly after his power manifested. Justin was no longer associated with the Council himself at that point, but he certainly still had contacts, and I imagine it caused something of a stir when word got around that Maggie le Fey's youngest came into his power. This would leave open the question of why they let Justin take him, but I can see a few possibilities. 1. They considered his going to the dark side a foregone conclusion in any case so they figured they'd watch and wait until he actually broke one of the Laws and then raid the house, take down Du Morne and both his apprentices in one fell swoop. 2. Justin's lair was somehow concealed from the Council (reasonably well supported by their failing to do anything about the rogue Warden for like, years). 3 They just didn't care that much.

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They park on the street, rather than trust Michael's truck to a vampire valet, and arrive at just about the same time as Thomas and Justine, in their probably-Eros-and-Psyche couples costume, both scantily clad and unreasonably attractive, although considerably more page space is devoted to Justine's legs than to Thomas's supernatural beauty.  Thomas recognizes Harry, which weirds Harry right the hell out. He introduces himself, and we're informed that there are three vampire Courts, Red, White, and Black, which Harry claims he already knows, although I don't know that he actually did, and that the Black Court has "fallen on hard times". While I still don't think the situation with Kravos being dead is presented very smoothly, the effort has clearly improved Butcher's gradual reveal skills, because the little things, like information about the vampire Courts, and Harry's costume, are handled very well. Thomas walks them in and tries to give Harry a sense of what to expect. They'll be presented to the other guests and have time to mingle, and then they'll be formally introduced to Bianca who, as the host, will give them gifts. Harry asks why Thomas is being helpful (beginning of pattern, noted!) and Thomas pretty well dodges the question. He does, however, shake Harry's hand, and while he definitely has a magical aura, it's not the one they're looking for. 

As Harry and Michael enter the courtyard where the party is happening, they're hit with a blinding spotlight and announced as "Harry Dresden, Wizard of the White Council, and guest". Whether the spotlight was intentionally turned up and pointed into his eyes in order to embarrass and inconvenience him is left as an exercise for the reader. We finally get a description of Harry's cheesy vampire costume, with the tattered blue tuxedo and the fake blood and all. The gathered monsters get their first good look at it at the same time, and everyone goes for a weapon. 

And on that tense, cliff-hangery note, I leave you for the time being. I'm much happier with how this post, written on the computer like my previous Dresden Files post was, turned out, and it is much faster, so I think we'll be sticking with this for the time being. Until next time, be Gay, do Crimes, and read All The Things!

Writing from Emotion

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It occurred to me a couple of days ago that I wrote a post last year about how to, metaphorically speaking,  put your toys away without messing up any half-finished puzzles or Lego creations, but I never actually talked about the writing technique it goes with. If I was ever taught this as a way to write, I've long since forgotten where or when, and there's a good chance I've modified it out of recognition in any case. It draws from the meditation lesson scenes in Cold Fire by Tamora Pierce, and from a description of what was probably metta meditation that I caught on NPR when I was like 12, but that was 20 years ago and it hasn't much in common with either. I wouldn't necessarily consider this a meditation thing, at least, not any more so than any other internally oriented writing technique. Do be a little careful with this - it involves deliberately getting into a heightened emotional state, and might not interact well with everyone's mental health stuff. 

Start by setting the scene a little. Light some incense, or a scented candle, or heck, even a regular candle. Use a scent that matches the vibes of what you're working on, or just one you like. Put on some music, in line with the emotion you're using, the one you want to pervade the piece, or that prompted it, or emotionally neutral. If you already have a playlist for the story, scene, ship, or character, that should work just fine. Unless you live alone somewhere very quiet, the music is probably more important than the incense, because it's a light check against auditory disruption. Position yourself comfortably, ideally in a way that is not wholly incompatible with writing, and in which you are not unduly likely to fall asleep. Have your writing tools ready to hand. This works better if you're properly rested and not in a great deal of physical discomfort, but with practice it's doable, except maybe if you really have to pee. Go take care of that now if you need to. While you're at it, make sure you have something to drink. Room temperature is best, but warm is better than cold. The mammalian dive reflex is not conducive to what we're trying to do here. 

Now, you need to access the emotion you're writing from. Depending on your current headspace and how alexithymic you are, this might be as easy as breathing, or very, very hard. (More alexithymic is not necessarily worse here - a tendency to experience emotions as physical sensations is, up to a point, a benefit here). If you're writing fanfiction, think about the things from your source text that gave you the feels you're currently writing about. If you're writing original fiction, think about an earlier moment in your story that had similar emotionality, or something from another story or your own life that gives you those feelings. Keep trying until you feel something. 

Once you have that emotion, locate it in your body, and let it expand until it fills you to the skin. This will probably be very hard at first, especially if you're working with an uncomfortable emotion. This isn't how we're used to feeling things, even when we're reasonably well-adjusted, which most writers aren't, usually we're either doing something with an emotion (talking about it, laughing or crying, punching someone in the face), or we keep it kinda contained. It might go easier if you try to keep your hands and face still, but let your heart rate and breathing do what they're gonna do. You're trying to let the emotion build without giving it anywhere to go. 

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Once you've got that, think about what you're writing. For something you already have underway, go back over the past couple paragraphs in your head, unless you already know they aren't right. For a new story or scene, consider what's supposed to happen, whatever summary or sketchy outline exists in your head. "Blorbo and Skrungly meet at the cafe and experience Feelings" is quite sufficient here, but if you can already see the way Blorbo's hands look on the register, the color of Scrungly's turtleneck sweater, if you already know he's going to ask about the blueberry scones, by all means throw that in there, and then just... Keep doing that until something comes to you. Often, I get about 2/3 of a scene, dropped in my head like it was brought over in a truck and delivered on a pallet. Sometimes, it's the whole scene, and once, it was two. Sometimes it's the exact line of dialogue I need to get going again. Occasionally, it's a single image, or I don't "get" anything until I actually look at the document, just a sense of urgency, when the ache in my chest becomes a kind of itching. 

Importantly, do not resist. Part of why this works is that heightened emotion slows down your critical thinking. But when you get something, you can't just say "Oh, no, this isn't what I wanted". I mean, you can, but you'd better say it while you sit down to write it anyway. You don't have to keep it in the final draft. You don't have to post or publish it, but you do have to write it. You have to trust that it needs to get written. It might turn out to be something for later in the book, or a story that needed to get out of the way to make room for the thing you were trying to write. It might be the beginning of something you've been trying not to write. But you can't keep that channel open if you turn back what comes through it. And very often, it is what needs to happen next, even if it's not what you planned. 

If my experience is anything to go by, the writing will probably go faster than us otherwise usual for you, although I suspect that if you are already fast, the difference will be less pronounced, but it will not be effortless. You may still struggle for exact descriptions, what precisely is said, or how to arrange the words to convey two things that are happening at the same time. Hold on to the emotion you're writing from, use it as an energy source of you can. If you're not done when you need to stop writing, I suggest banking the fire to make it easier to resume when the time comes, and to facilitate acting like a functional member of society in the interim. 

If this all sounds a bit intricate, well, it is, at least at first, but it gets easier, at least with practice, and a lot of the ritual may eventually become unnecessary unless you are really stuck. I can do it in a couple minutes sometimes, without music or incense, even with other people in the room, while reading a book on my phone with the Google doc open in the background so it's ready when I need it. I only break out the tools when I've been unable to make real progress for a couple of weeks. 

I've been writing this post in my head for a couple of weeks now, so I'm glad to actually have it on paper. Next post will be more Dresden Files. Until then, be gay, do crimes, and read All The Things. 

Dresden Files Reread - Grave Peril Chapter 23

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Harry and Michael went on a shopping trip between chapters, gathering ritual supplies while Harry read Kravos's journal. Kravos was, apparently, a very thorough notetaker, going into disturbing detail about how he committed, and enjoyed, multiple murders. Fortunately, he recorded his search for a familiar demon, and the exact pronunciation of its name, with equal thoroughness. We get a refresher on how thaumaturgy works, including the different things a practitioner can use to create the necessary connection - you can use a physical representation of the person, any part of their body, or their Name. Human Names are difficult to use, and have an expiration date, because humans' self-concept is so flexible. If they're in a radically different headspace from where they were when you got their Name, or if enough time, or a significant enough life event, has passed that their sense of self has naturally shifted, it may not work at all - and you have to get it from them directly, no copying off a dead sorcerer's homework. Demons, on the other hand, are unchanging in their essential natures, and their Names are similarly immutable. 

Harry is trying to summon the Nightmare, and he's got everything he needs now, although he's having some twitchiness about working in the dark, even though it's daylight outside. There's some inconsistency about what time it is here. We're told at the very beginning of the chapter that it's "still full daylight" outside, which tracks with the assertion that they spent "most of the morning" gathering supplies. That should make it early afternoon right now, and while it would certainly have made sense for Harry to take a nap before starting the summoning, there's nothing to establish that he did. Sunset in autumn in Chicago is gonna be around either five or six pm, depending on whether it's before or after Daylight Savings. It's entirely possible that it's the tail end of October and the day sunset gets an hour earlier actually snuck up on Our Heroes while they were distracted, but that doesn't actually reduce the number of sunlit hours in a day, it just moves them. So I'm a little confused how it's meant to be, as Michael asserts a little later, only 45 minutes to sundown. Where did the other roughly 4 hours go? It doesn't take that long to set up a circle. In any event, he's got five white candles, and items representing all the people the Nightmare has targeted already or is likely to: his own shield bracelet, Michael and Charity's wedding rings, Murphy's office nameplate (a big deal, since she's the first director of SI who held the job long enough to get a real nameplate), and Mallone's retirement watch. He puts up a circle with incense, to contain the power of the spell, with enough room to stand inside it but outside the copper summoning circle. He doesn't use a second set of five items to represent the five senses here, which may indicate that summoning works differently from other rituals. 

As soon as he has the circle up, but mercifully before the summoning is properly underway, Michael calls down to ask whether he's done yet, and says the aforementioned about it only being 45 minutes until sundown. He's not pleased when Harry says he[s just getting started, which is understandable, given that he's not especially comfortable with magic in the first place, and he's anxious to get back to hovering over Charity. I do wish that in his decade or more of knowing Harry, his discomfort with magic hadn't prevented him from learning the first thing about it, such as "interruptions are potentially dangerous". The first step is to cut a small portal of the same type one would use to enter the Nevernever, inside the circle. This makes a lot of sense and, if I remember correctly, never comes up in any subsequent summoning, so now I have to wonder how any of the other beings he summons actually got through the veil between worlds. He makes a kind of prismatic mist by throwing water into the magical energy field of the spell, then cuts his finger and dabs blood on the edge of the circle. It hurts way more than a cut finger usually should, and the pain gets worse when he has to push the spell harder, which suggests that the pain is either part of a cost associated with the spell or a built-in signal to let the caster know if they're putting too much into it. The spell doesn't initially connect to anything, not until Harry guides it with his sense of the Nightmare. It does not seem to occur to him that this means the number he has dialed has been disconnected or no longer in service - possible, it's less surprising since this is supposed to be the demon's ghost, which might be less connected to the Name it carried while alive. 

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He's just got ahold of it when Michael interrupts him again, this time to tell him that Susan is on the phone and she has something important she needs to talk to him about. He's persistent, continuing to try to convince Harry to take the phone even after the third or fourth time Harry expresses that he's in the middle of something. I don't think we see Michael Carpenter: The Man With Zero Perspective again after this book, and thank the Light for that. Okay, sure, he knows nothing about magic (except that it's pretty well established by this point that he does), and doesn't want to know what Harry's doing, but he's capable of recognizing what it sounds like when someone is actively struggling with a supernatural being! Finally freed from distraction, Harry asks the Nightmare who sent it, but it insists that no one did, that no one compelled it to hurt the people it attacked. It also threatens to continue coming after Harry's friends, their children, et cetera... So either it's lying about not having been sent, which I'm not sure it possible under the circumstances, or it does understand about love and friendship, which would mean it's not a demon. Harry doesn't really have time to consider the implications, though, because a third party starts feeding power to the Nightmare, power that matches the barbed wire spells, and he has to act quickly if he wants to get anything productive out of this endeavor. In another reasonably cool application of previously established magical principles, he uses the chunk of his power that's still inside the Nightmare as a point of connection for a spell to bind it, compelling it to only come after him, as long as he's alive. Then he has to lie down on the floor for a few minutes.  

Michael, having apparently recovered his characterization as a fellow competent monster hunter, built up the fire while Harry was downstairs, and fetches him a sandwich and a can of coke while Harry fills him in. He's a lot more concerned than Harry is about the part where the demon is now not only coming after Harry but likely to kill him as quickly and efficiently as it can, rather than playing with him like a cat toy and thereby allowing time for a rescue. He's also not sure how much help he can be in dealing with the Nightmare, since he doesn't have his sword anymore. Harry reassures him that God isn't gonna abandon him over one mistake, and stresses that he needs Michael, and that they'll get just as dead standing around doing nothing. Michael puts his big, strong, calloused hand over Harry's, and wow, male writers in the 1990s just absolutely could not recognize homoeroticism even while actually writing it, huh? Like, we're in "There was so much he wanted to say to Mat" territory here. I'll note that this was the era in which progressive men could sincerely express the belief that all women are bisexual, apparently with zero self-awareness. Anyway, Michael asks what their next step is. Harry picks up the invitation from Kyle and Kelly, and tells Michael they're going to a party. Funny thing, though, the invitation isn't in the same place he left it. 

This was my first shot at writing one of these on the computer, rather than drafting in a notebook and then typing it up. I'm not sure I'm satisfied with the results, but I was also sick for the entire week and a half I've been working on this, so I don't know how much of that's down to the process. We'll try it again next time and see if it works better when my lungs and sinuses aren't full of goo. Until then, be gay, do crimes, and read all the things!

Dresden Files Reread - Grave Peril Chapter 22

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Harry's severely banged up, and Charity's in labor, so they're in the emergency room. Both of them are pretty high up on the triage list, so while Charity's being wheeled into labor and delivery, Harry sits down with Dr. Simmons. She asks if he's in pain, dizzy, or nauseated, to which he answers yes, no, and a little. The conversation starts out cordial enough, but quickly degrades when Simmons recognizes his name (although we never find out what exactly her context on him is), and can't actually find the cut on his head for which he came in. She checks his eyes and asserts confidently that he doesn't have a concussion. To be absolutely clear, that's not how that works. While the pupillary light reflex is a decent way to assess whether neurological symptoms are from a concussion or something else, the differences we're talking about here are small - in 2001, it required specialized tools to assess, and these days you still need an app. A quick examination with a pen light like she did can only determine that the pupils are equal and responsive to light. If they're not, that can pretty well confirm a suspected concussion, but it can't rule one out. Given that Harry's still nauseated, I suspect Lea healed some of the damage, but not all of it. That makes the ongoing concussion count sort of complicated, but it's not zero. Simons scolds Harry for being in the emergency room when he doesn't need to, and gives him some moist towelettes with which to clean himself up in the bathroom. 

While he's doing just that, he sees the tender, pink line across his forehead that was, earlier that evening, a bleeding gash. This confirms that Lea healed him - and that's spooky as hell. Healing magic, any magic that directly affects the human body, is very difficult, requiring remarkable precision and more energy than would be intuitively obvious. Fae magic is a bit different, but that only changes the nature of the spookiness. For Lea to do such a thing here, in the physical world, indicates a greater degree of power over Harry than is at all comfortable to think about or, more to the point, than she had like, yesterday. Their new bargains has cost Harry the "home field" advantage - she can come after him any time, any place she chooses, and she healed him primarily to make that point. 

Harry's trying to dry his clothes with the hand dryer when Stallings comes in. Apparently the police "got word" that Harry was in the hospital, and assertion about which I have Questions. It's established later in this chapter that Michael's truck is here. While it is conceivable that Michael called an ambulance for Charity and then either drove to the hospital with Harry or rode with her and had Harry drive the truck, I feel like given that neither of them has a cell phone, it;s unlikely that they would have taken the time to go back to the grocery store, call an ambulance, and wait. Even if they did, Michael would have been the one to make the call, and no need to bring Harry's name into it. There's a zero percent chance of Harry opting to ride in the ambulance, given that his magic could make their tech, or engine, give out when Charity is in this bad a situation, not when he's well enough to ride in a car. So even if we assume that emergency services all share information with each other in real time, there's no reason for the EMTs or the 911 people to know Harry was there. And, y'know, the hospital can't usually just call up the cops and tell them "Hey, this person is here", medical confidentiality and all that. Harry doesn't have a gunshot wound and for once there's no warrant out for his arrest. This is extra frustrating because as a contrivance by which to justify Stallings knowing where Harry was, it's completely unnecessary. They just brought Murphy in, since she's basically in a coma, and Harry said it would be safe to move her at sunrise. He also said to take her to Mallone's house, but whatever. Michael is also here, and not a patient, so I feel like it would have made at least as much sense to have Stallings say that he was here because of Murphy, saw Michael in the waiting room, and asked if he knew where Harry was. 

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Anyway, he brought Kravos's journal, but he won't hand it over until Harry promises to make it disappear. Internal affairs is looking into Special Investigations again, because of something to do with the Kravos case, because something happened to him, but Stallings won't say just what, because apparently that's a departmental secret of the sort that cops simply don't share with outsiders. Look, I'm not unsympathetic to the need to control information in a mystery, but the justifications are getting fuckin' thin here. 

Now that Harry has the journal, he needs to get back to the lab so he can start looking through it, but he left his car at Michael's house and he doesn't have any money, so he has to go bother Michael, who's lurking around the maternity ward doing his best impression of a sad, wet cat of a man. Harry has the sense not to open with "Hey, can I have a ride?" and asks instead which baby is the newest little Carpenter. Unfortunately, the birth was complicated. If Baby Boy Carpenter makes it through the next 36 hours, he'll have a chance, but he's weakening. Charity had to have a C-section, and the doctors aren't sure she'll be able to have more kids. I want to emphasize that I do, y'know, care. Everyone deserves a body that can do the things they want. But also, little Harry is her seventh. 

The doctors think Michael beat Charity, which is a solid guess, absent other information. Charity was physically attacked, and statistically speaking the husband is the most likely culprit. Her regular OB is at this hospital, and would presumably know better, but I guess they're not in yet at 7:15 in the morning. Harry dismisses this as ridiculous, but Michael says he might as well have, since it's his fault she got hurt. That's also ridiculous, but Harry knows better than to say so. It also gets him thinking. In his initial panic. he figured the Nightmare, with access to his memories, would know to go after Michael's family, but demons don't work like that. Even with that knowledge, a demon wouldn't know what to do with it, because they don't understand things like love. Michael puts forward that the Nightmare is a catspaw. Finally, some good fucking red herring! Neither of them can figure out who it might be working for though. It's not Lea - the Fae aren't this methodical, nor do they have much sense of urgency. This prompts Michael to ask what the deal is with Harry and Lea, and Harry lays out most of it, although at this point there seems to be some uncertainty about who, exactly, made her Harry's godmother. He thinks it was his mom, but he's not sure. 

Michael wonders aloud whether Lea getting the sword means his time as a Knight might be over. That God might no longer consider him worthy, or might have decided he deserves to stop doing this and look after his family. He seems to feel about equal parts guilt and relief at the idea, which is fair. I note here, and I want to say up top that I'm not sure what to make of this, that while Michael spends something like another seven years after this as a Knight, Charity is done bearing children, although in a rather Jordanian extension of privacy we're never told whether she can't. I think there's a valid reading here that while Michael hasn't yet done enough to be allowed to rest, Charity has. No idea what that would mean though. 

Harry finally gets around to asking for a ride home. Michael doesn't want to leave the hospital, but as Harry points out, there's nothing he can actually do here, for Charity or the baby. It comes up in this conversation that her sister is watching the kids while Forthill gets some sleep, and her mother is on the way to the hospital. Given what we learn about Charity's backstory in Proven Guilty, I'd be very interested to know when and how Charity reconciled with her parents to a sufficient extent that a hospital visit from her mother would be welcome. Michael's also concerned that they might have to kill someone, and Harry points out that whoever's behind this tried to murder Michael's infant son, and may yet succeed. He feels bad and manipulative about it, but honestly, he's right, and getting him into a position to learn more about what's happening will do more to help Charity and the baby than staying here and fretting. Harry's hoping to get the demons name from the journal, and given that he wants to do it from the lab, I think he's planning to try summoning it, although he may just want Bob's input. 

There's a lot of characterization of Michael, and his relationship with Harry, in this chapter that's hard to convey in summary and doesn't have enough complexity to warrant analysis, so if you haven't looked at their conversation here in a while, I suggest you go reread it. I'm more than a full blog post behind already this year, so I'll get you the next chapter, or something, just as soon as ever I can. Until then, be gay, do crimes, and read all the things!

Dresden Files Reread - Grave Peril Chapter 21

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Harry reflects on how very stupid this course of action is, as he walks along the graveyard wall. All cemeteries have walls. It's just a thing humans do, without knowing why, but there's still intent behind it. And while the intent of most walls is to keep things out, cemetery walls are meant to keep things in. Which may explain why the Nightmare was able to tear a hole in it and drag Charity inside. Conditions stand thus: There are hundreds of powerful ghosts in there. It's pouring down rain. Harry is still weak from having a bunch of his energy eaten. The creature he's going up against can tear holes in solid brick walls like it's not even a thing. And there's still no sign of Michael. But then Charity screams, so in Harry goes. 

Ghosts press in around him, so numerous, and so powerful with the barriers all wibbly, that they physically impede his progress. He pulls out his pentacle, wills light to it, and holds it up in front of him "like Diogenes's lamp". I had to look that up. Apparently Diogenes would carry a lamp during the day, and claimed when asked about it that he was looking for "a man". For reasons I don't fully understand, this is often rendered in English as "looking for an honest man", and considering the number of common misconceptions that are either uncritically reproduced or fictionally true in this series (e.g. "We only use 10% of our brains"), the "honest man" version seems more likely to have been intended here, though I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. There's also a statue of Diogenes in his birthplace of Sinop, Turkey, apparently well known since it's the main picture on the Wikipedia page about him, which portrays him with both the lamp and a dog, so there's a case to be made that this is foreshadowing for Harry's next visit here, in Dead Beat, when he has Mouse with him. 

The Light's dimmer than usual, and Harry wonders if that's a reflection of his weakened magic, or if the destructive, violent, sometimes chaotic use to which he's put over the past few years has weakened his faith in the principles of controlled power, used constructively, that the pentacle represents. 

He calls Charity's name, and she responds, although something cuts her off, giving him a better sense of her exact location in the giant graveyard. When he finds her, she's lying on a bier in a fake temple thing, with the Nightmare standing over her, one hand near her belly, the other near her throat. When Harry addresses it as "demon", it asks "Is that what I am?" and says it wasn't sure, another indicator that the "ghost of a demon" theory is inaccurate, although Harry's got enough distractions that it's pretty reasonable for him to miss it. As much fun as it's having tormenting Charity, the Nightmare's primary beef is with Harry, so it throws a fuego fireball at him. Harry blocks it with a shield spell, and thinks that he wouldn't have tried that kind of fire magic in torrential rain. Charity seizes the everyloving shit out of the moment and kicks the Nightmare in the chest with both feet. She sends it flying, but also knocks herself off the bier and falls badly. Harry tells her to run, and then uses his staff to pole vault? Over the bier? And kick the Nightmare in the face? Butcher is normally a very clear action writer, but I listened to this part three times and read it with my eyes twice, and I'm still only mostly sure I get what happened here. Harry lands on top of the Nightmare, and tries to scramble away, although I'm not sure if it was physically or magically, spins him around in the air, and throws him into a marble column. 

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Harry hits head first, naturally, so that's concussion number three. He makes a concerted effort to stand, and gets as far as sitting with his back against the column. That's more than anyone could reasonably have expected of him, but it's not anything like enough to save Charity and defeat the Nightmare. Lea appears out of nowhere, and observes that there's a lot of water around here, a lot of things flowing. This is actually pretty straightforward, but under the circumstances I think Harry can be forgiven for not getting the hint. She offers her help, if Harry will renew their bargain and come with her tonight, as soon as Charity's out of danger. She also tastes Harry's blood, because, y'know, Leanansidhe. Harry has basically two choices here. Take the deal, or sit there and hope Michael turns up and saves the day before the Nightmare finishes killing Harry and destroying Charity's mind. And given that Michael doesn't necessarily even know where they are, that second thing doesn't look like a good bet. So he agrees. Lea blocks most of his pain, restores his energy and clarity of thought, and tells him the answer is all around him. 

Harry confronts the Nightmare again, drawing its attention, although he's not really better equipped to fight it now than he was at the outset. It approaches at a casual walk, knowing that there's very little Harry can do about it. That is, until Michael appears behind him. Michael gives Harry a crucifix and tells him to get Charity, then engages the Nightmare, making a considerably better showing with his glowy magic sword than Harry did with his, uh, pole vaulting. 

Harry gets to Charity, and gives her the crucifix, but of course she's going into labor now, and can't walk, and even if he were in good condition, he wouldn't have been able to pick up and carry a heavily muscled, 6 foot tall pregnant woman. The Nightmare gets away from Michael and telekinetically picks up a headstone, preparing to squish Harry and Charity. Harry gets between Charity and the Big Rock, which isn't gonna do much to protect her, but it's a nice gesture. The Nightmare tells Michael to put down the sword, or it'll squish them. Harry says not to do it, that it will just kill them anyway. The Nightmare tells him to shut up. This is the real purpose of the scene where Michael threatened the grocery clerk, is to establish that Michael is thoroughly irrational where the safety of his family is concerned, so that it feels plausible when he misses this blazingly obvious indication that Harry has the right of it. He puts the sword down. Naturally, the Nightmare does carry right on trying to kill them. Charity brandishes the crucifix, hurting and startling it enough that it drops the headstone, and Harry finally makes sense of the hint about the water. 

Photo by Radek Homola on Unsplash

He tackles the Nightmare, and rolls with it downhill, right into one of the temporary streams created by
the downpour, where it dissolves, its energy dissipated by the running water. This was perhaps not as well foreshadowed as it could have been. The last reference to the use of running water was two books ago, in the fight with the toad demon, and that wasn't a ghost. Also? I'm having a little bit of a geography issue. Graceland cemetery is a real place. There's even a real grocery store a couple blocks away, although it's currently a Jewel-Osco, not a Walsham's. (As far as I can tell, there isn't a Walsham's grocery store). That Greek temple mausoleum is also real - it's called the Palmer Mausoleum, and that picture up there is a real picture of it, although in daylight and springtime, not an autumn night. And as you may notice, it's not up very much of a hill, and what's directly downhill from it is a pond. Going by google maps, it might technically be a small artificial lake. In any event, as far as I can tell, there's nowhere downhill from the Palmer Mausoleum for a temporary stream to form, and it's frustrating because this scene is otherwise so close to geographically accurate.This also feels like a missed opportunity, because falling into an artificial pond while physically wresting a ghost and coming up with gross algae water in his mouth is exactly Harry's energy at this point in the series.

Michael picks up Charity, Harry picks up the sword, and they make to get out of there. Unfortunately, Lea hasn't forgotten about Harry that quickly, and she intends to collect her due. Harry tries to argue with her, tries to negotiate for time to finish defeating the Nightmare. She's not having it. When one of her hellhounds attacks, Harry tries to defend himself with Amoracchius. Thing is, you uh, you can't use a sword powered by faith magic to get out of your promises. It turns in his hand, falls from his grasp. And Lea picks it up. Apparently, her game here wasn't really about getting an extra handle on Harry, which she didn't really need. It was about breaking the sword's protection, getting Harry to betray its purpose so she could take it. 

33 minute chapter and it still contrives to end on a cliffhanger. Next post might be another one of these, or it might be the Season 2 review post. Until then, be Gay, do Crimes, and read All The Things!

Dresden Files Reread - Grave Peril Chapter 20

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Displaying remarkable fortitude and a passable impression of good sense, Harry heads to Michael's house. We get our first look at his neighborhood, which Harry characterizes as "suburbanish" because Jim Butcher has apparently never heard of a residential neighborhood. Michael's house is, of course, the nicest, in good vibes if not in grandeur, ivory with burgundy trim and equipped with a literal white picket fence. 

Harry was expecting Michael to need a minute to get out of bed, but he was apparently asleep in the living room rocker, after taking on a late night feeding of one year old Hope (not named here) so Charity can get some sleep. So we know Michael is a good husband and an attentive father. He's also wearing a T-shirt that says John 3:16. For my readers who aren't up on their Bible, that's "For god so loved the world that he gave up his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." So, y'know, pin that one to the foreshadowing board. 

Harry lays out the situation, including and especially the part where the Nightmare is running around wearing his face. Michael asks how he knows Harry isn't the Nightmare, and Harry volunteers that he should probably stay outside anyway, to avoid incurring Charity's wrath, so Michael invites him in. Continuing to use that knightly noodle, Michael refuses to wake his family, reasoning that since the Nightmare is currently in a physical body, it's not in the nevernever, and can't get at people through their dreams. This is interesting for its establishment of Michael's intelligence, and his fluency with the supernatural, that despite having learned about the nevernever like, yesterday, he can work through the implications faster than Harry does.

Harry finds a note from Charity explaining that she had a sudden pregnancy craving for pizza and ice cream, and went to the store, so they gear up to go after her. Harry's worried that they're leaving the kids alone, but Michael's total lack of concern on this point is validated when Forthill miraculously turns up, having experienced minor car trouble just a block away. This is a regular enough occurrence that when he sees Michael and Harry with their coats on, he says "You need a babysitter again, don't you?" I think this is the first time we see Michael's divine providence effect in action, and it's a good choice to establish the scale and conditions. God won't just rescue Charity, but He'll create circumstances under which Michael can do it himself. He won't prevent Michael from getting arrested when he's out helping Harry, but He'll assist with saving Charity. Now that I think about it, this has some commonalities with the way that ghosts can only interact with their particular bailiwick. And that's interesting. I don't know if Jim Butcher has read Valdemar, but he's definitely read Wheel of Time, and Robert Jordan read Valdemar. And in Valdemar, if the Gods aren't literally just really leveled up ghosts, they certainly exist on the same continuum as ghosts. "God is actually an unimgainably powerful ghost" would certainly give the series some options, especially as we approach the Big Apocalyptic Trilogy. 

Photo by Clark Young on Unsplash

There's only one grocery store nearby that's open this late, so that's where they go, and Charity's van is
parked right out front. Neither Charity nor the Nightmare is immediately in evidence, and when the Cashier hedges about whether she's seen them, there's actually a moment where Michael seems on the point of violence. Harry intervenes, and he goes to look for her himself just, absolutely open carrying a sword in the grocery store. 

Harry gives the cashier all the cash he has on hand (fifteen dollars) to tell him what she knows. Charity did come in, bought her pizza and ice cream, and went back to her car, failed to start it, and was intercepted by a man who looks just like Harry. They argued, but she walked off with him, in what Harry recognizes as the direction of Graceland cemetery. That's...not a good place to go right now, what with the border between worlds being squoodgey and Graceland being pretty damn haunted at the best of times. Nonetheless, Harry yells for Michael and goes back outside. He checks Charity's car - everything under the hood that can be torn out or torn apart pretty much is. He also sees, in the distance, what sure looks to be the Nightmare dragging Charity towards the cemetery by her hair. There's still no sign of Michael, so Harry goes after them alone. 

Bit of a short one after all this waiting, but I like that we're getting some more Michael characterization here. If all goes well, you'll actually get the next chapter within a week this time. Until then, be Gay, do Crimes, and read All The Things! 

2023-2024 Eeveeyear Goals

I'm gonna level with you guys. This year? Did not go well. That was for reasons, and we will be discussing those reasons, but I need to start by expressing in no uncertain terms that I. Failed. I reached less than 50% on most of my goals, I failed to progress substantially on some of the most important tasks. By the end of the year, I had straight up given u on some of them, and that's genuinely unprecedented. 

There are two big things and a lot of little ones that contributed to the disaster. One of the big things was mostly my fault, the other mostly wasn't. There was some bad goal setting. That's the one that's on me. Some of what went wrong there is covered in my post from a few months ago titled Oops... in which I discuss how my goal for handwritten pages go away from me, and why my Unity goals weren't well structured in the first place (more on that below). I also set a couple of goals that either I didn't care about very much or weren't entirely under my control. Trying to build a wiki for my epic fantasy setting was a neat idea in theory, but both of the projects it serves are kind of back burnered right now, so I wasn't making any natural progress, and the whole thing was just stressful and tiring. I still want to cook more, but changes to my living and financial situation mean that trying new recipes would, at present, require spending money rather than making more innovative use of extant resources, and that there are substantially greater time constraints on when it's actually productive to cook. Astute readers will notice that goals requiring resources I may not always have, or with timing limitations not fully under my control, are not good goals. 

The other thing that happened was a grueling, miserable, socially fraught two month move. That part is not my fault. Our housemate kicked us out, and even if his reasons were coherent (they're weren't), he did it with basically no notice, expecting us to find a new place and finance and carry out the move in less than a month, and threatening us with legal action when it took longer. Like, I try not to bring up outside factors as though they're an excuse for not getting my work done, but this was a whole thing. With that out of the way, let's talk about what worked, and didn't work, about my goals for this year. 

One thing that went wrong with nearly everything was trying to learn Unity in the way I was trying to learn it. Those tutorials, while not necessarily ineffective, were pretty miserable a lot of the time, not least because of the condescending video lectures in the first unit on game controls, so I'd check my spreadsheet to see what I was working on next, see that it was an hour of Unity, and be possessed by a spirit of Don't Wanna that could stymie me for days. Since I try to work on the thing I'm most behind on first, this reduced my progress on literally everything, although it had a greater impact on other things that could only be done on the computer. I found a workaround for this over the summer, kind of, but there was no way to recover the time I'd already lost. The presence of tasks I didn't really want to do also exacerbated my existing irrational fear that I would somehow "run out" of things like "books read" and be left with only the difficult, onerous stuff.

I honestly don't remember where I got my target figure for new cars, but it was hilariously too high, and while working on it wasn't disruptively unpleasant it would have been prohibitively time consuming had I not just...stopped trying. 

Successes, Such As They Were

There are a few areas in which I did better, in relative terms, absolute terms, or both, and I think listing them may, if nothing else, illustrate how useless and soup-brained I was this year. I read 7 fewer books, but actually got a bit more than 1% closer to my goal than I did last year, thanks in no small part to the goal's having been reduced by last year's similarly catastrophic reading failure. I got more handwritten pages done, but that's largely down to catching how the way I counted it had slipped over the past few years. You can see that in how I only managed 16 blog posts this entire damn year. I uh, I sure did spend more time playing video games, and got something like commensurately more orbs. My big takeaway on this is that even though Orb of Creation is on the computer, I need to treat it like a mobile game, and not count it towards my progress on video games. I watched more television, more movies, more YouTube videos. Most telling, I think, is that I spend 88 more hours reading and 171 more hours writing, and accomplished less in every category to which these timers apply. Brain not good this year. 

First Year Goals

We discussed in the introduction most of what really went wrong with our newly introduced goals. For some fucking reason, I added 15 of the damn things: Wiki Read (mostly SCP), Wiki Words, Wiki Planned, Foods Made, New Foods Made, TV Rewatch, Webcomics, Podcasts, Sewing Time, Repairs, TCGO Time, TCGO Matches, New Cards, Short Fiction, Programming Time, Programming Skills, and Duolingo. For reasons described above, the cooking and wiki creation goals will be dropped for the coming year. Having a goal for reading SCP stuff actually worked pretty well, and put me on the way of some short fiction, so we'll be keeping that. I'm not yet 100% sure yet whether my goals for rewatching tv or listening to podcasts are working how I want, so we're giving them another year, with the standard adjustment to the targets and we'll see how it goes. They didn't interact with my sewing goals how I was hoping they would, because it turns out I can do enough sewing to keep it from becoming the thing I'm most behind on while playing TTRPGs. Webcomics, again, I don't feel like I know yet. I got enough of them on my RSS feed that it never really become a Thing. 

My big takeaway from short fiction is that reading fanfiction does outcompete other things if I track them together, so we're adding a separate goal for that. The TCGO goals did pretty much exactly what I wanted them to, making space for them in my year where they neither strictly waste time nor have room to take over my life. New cards was set too high, as I discussed above, but standard adjustments should take care of that for the coming year. Programming (recorded in the 2022-2023 year as "Unity") is something of a sticky spot. We're keeping the thing where time spent playing romhacks counts for time, and skills encompasses completing a discrete part of any programming tutorial. I was already feeling like Unity might not be my thing, before the company so thoroughly crossed the Trust Thermocline a few weeks ago, but I don't yet know for sure what I'm doing instead. Python feels like a solid option on the actual programming side, and I'm increasingly feeling like I should learn Java, but Godot might be worth trying out if it turns out I do need a game engine for something, and I haven't settled on learning resources for any of this yet. I'll try to keep you posted. 

As first year goals, my new targets for each of these, except the ones I'm dropping entirely, will be calculated by multiplying what I accomplished last year by 1.5. 

Adjusted Goals

This past year and the year before, I set my fiction writing goal manually, so to speak, at 50,000 and then 60,000 words, rather than using the standard formula. I feel like this was a good idea, and we're making it 60,000 again this year. It's also getting some friends. Books Read, Rereads, and Blog Posts are core, mission critical goals, and letting the targets go to low because of a few bad years would be disastrous. Something I noticed this year is that words of fiction written has a hard time getting much ahead of pages read (see: trying to write without reading is like trying to only exhale), so keeping a high fiction writing goal with a too-low book target would just be silly. So I'm making the book goal 110, rather than the 87 indicated by my usual goal adjustment process, and increasing my page count goal to match. Rereading is also very important for my writing, so I'm setting that to 78 (75+1d10, if you're wondering). I should have just let it be 89 in the second year, rather than trying to get cute with it. And I'm not leaving you guys with only 42 blog posts this year. I'm never gonna get the goal for that fall below 50, so this year it's gonna be 57 and we'll see how that goes. 

New Goals

Dropping like four things means that for the first time in Mint and Brambles history, we aren't increasing how many goals I have, but we're still adding new things. I need to listen to new music and sort it into playlists, that's important for keeping my brain in good shape, so we're adding that. Probably I'll mostly do it through spotify's Release Radar and Discover Weekly playlists. I'm also adding a goal for little administrative bits like dealing with emails and organizing files on my computer because they will never get done otherwise, because it's as good a time as any to listen to podcasts etc, and as a kind of test run for adding a cleaning or organizing goal next year. For reasons previously discussed, we're adding a separate goal for fanfiction - this is important since I write fanfiction. 

I also added a goal for earning money. I'm not going to tell you what it is, and I'm not going to track it publicly, but I do want you to know about it. If this become the thing I'm most behind on, I will have to spend time trying to get more money, even if that means filling out surveys on Qmee. You don't want that. I don't want that. If you'd like to prevent it, please consider becoming a patron. 

Final Thoughts. 

That's...really what there is to say about this year. I' not gonna do last year's goal-by-goal breakdown because the same couple of things went wrong with everything, and there's no interesting discussion to have there. Except where otherwise specified, goals that were in their second or later year will be adjusted by multiplying the average of what I accomplished each year by 1.25. I'm exited to get started with something like a clean slate. Still hoping to get you a Dresden Files post by the end of this week. Until then, be Gay, do Crimes, and read All The Things!